Pronouns - still learning...

Sunday, July 26^th 2026

I just retired at 62, and I’ll be honest: I feel a little lost. Work had become too stressful, and I knew it was time to step away while I still had my wits about me. “Wits” is a good word, because everyone’s wits seem to work a little differently.

Lately, mine have been tangled up over pronouns—him, her, they, them, girl, boy, and all the labels people use to explain who they are.

Why does it matter so much to so many? I suppose because being seen and respected matters to all of us, even when we do not fully understand each other.

I have been mistaken for a man before by kids pulling up behind me in a car. Should I have gotten angry about that? After all, I do have an “ass.” Should they have been angry at me for calling them kids? Somewhere in all of this, I think we have lost perspective on what matters most: respect each other.  It really can be that simple.

And while we are at it, we could all stand to find our sense of humor again. Most people who offend us do not mean to. Only a small percentage seem to know exactly what they are doing. I also believe many people in my age group truly do not mean to offend. We grew up with “boy” and “girl” as the basic categories, and the world has changed faster than some of us have learned the new language.

I like the term “Two-Spirit,” used by many Native American tribes for individuals who embody both masculine and feminine qualities. It reflects a broader understanding of gender than the simple male-or-female boxes many of us were raised with, and it recognizes that people can hold meaningful cultural and spiritual roles beyond those categories.

Still, no matter what you want to be called, you may end up standing in line with me at the grocery store, paying the same outrageous prices we are all facing. Gender is not going to lower the grocery bill, so maybe we can all lighten up a little. Not everything has to be “ride or die.” Sometimes it can just be “live and let live”—with a little respect, a little patience, and maybe a coupon if we’re lucky.